There’s this guy I know.
He’s a generally pretty cool dude. He’s funny and engaging, witty when he’s in that kind of a mood. He gives fantastic hugs. He has more talent in one single part of his body (and no, I am not talking about his penis, or any other sexual thing, tyvm) than you’ll find in an entire state’s School of the Arts.
He’s compassionate, kind to everyone he meets, and he has a great smile, his own vehicle, a place to live that ain’t his Mama’s, and he loves his job.
He has made it very clear that he wants to fuck me, but I will never fuck him. I love him to pieces, but he’s never gonna hit this.
Nope. Just isn’t going to happen.
Now, that’s an undeniable rejection. And we all know rejection is as icky as last month’s leftover Chinese takeout in the back of the refrigerator. I know he’s disappointed. I know, because we talked about it. He expressed his disappointment like a grown-up, like an adult who realizes we just can’t always have everything we want.
Well. That sucks. If you ever change your mind, will you let me know?
I told him it wasn’t likely to happen, but that I hoped that didn’t mean we couldn’t still be friends.
He smiled, sighed, and gave me a hug and a reassurance.
You know what he didn’t do?
He didn’t call me a stupid cunt. He didn’t throw a temper tantrum. He didn’t immediately start trashing me to everyone around, and he didn’t stop being my friend, or accepting my gestures of friendship. I’m really glad, because I value his presence in my life. Not because he ‘does things’ for me. He doesn’t do anything for me that I don’t do for him. We encourage one another, and commiserate with one another, and go for longish periods without talking, then enjoy catching up. Hell, we even flirt a little, sometimes, mostly because I don’t think either one of us knows how not to flirt with our friends.
I’d miss him, if he stopped being in my life. It would make me sad.
I don’t refrain from fucking him because there’s anything wrong with either of us. I just don’t have that kind of chemistry with him, and I cannot – WILL not – even attempt to manufacture that.
Since he first expressed interest, I fucked a guy who is a total asshole. A douche of the highest order. The Grand Motherfucking Duke of Douchelandia.
Did this guy lament me fucking the asshole? Nope. Did he lord it over me, all like, “See??? If you hadn’t been such a stupid bitch, you could have had a NICE GUY™like me!”
Nope. He heard about it, and sent me words of comfort, concern, empathy, and friendship. Which is precisely what I did, when he split with his last girl.
Because THAT is what friends DO. And he is a friend, who genuinely cares about me for more than just what’s in my pants, or his ability to get in there with it.
And that guy? Yeah. He gets laid. He gets lots of play from lots of lovely ladies. I’ve seen him have what seemed to be very mutually fulfilling relationships, sometimes four or five at a time, with some sexy, strong, gorgeous, together women.
Not because he acts ‘nice,’ but because he actually is. Because he values the people in his life as more than just potential willy-wetters. Because he valueshimself as more than life support for a penis.
I love that guy. I heart him pretty hard.
So, if you find yourself in my ‘friendzone?’ Be proud. You’re in fantastic company.